older child adoption
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Older child adoption - part 3
Someone recently emailed Carmi and I with several questions about older child adoption.
Carmi answered the email but I thought it would be a good idea to post a question a day here and share our answers with you.
If you have any questions of your own, please let us know.
1. Was it hard to communicate with Zane?
2. How did he adjust to you? Siblings?
3. How did he adjust to school in America? How did you know what grade to put him in? How is he doing now in school?
4. How was he able to make friends and feel comfortable at school when he could not speak the language? How is he doing now that he can speak the language?
5. How did you try to teach him English? How is he doing now?
6. Did he go to school in China? If so, did the school teach him about Buddha and did your child have a strong connection to Buddhism?
7. Was he in an orphanage or a foster family? If in a foster family, did he have a difficult time adjusting to your family? How is he doing today?
8. Can you share something that you wish that you would have known before you adopted an older child that you can’t get from a book but only through experience?
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We have a Chinese friend who talked to Zane and discovered that he was not in middle school in China so we started him in the 6th grade. Since he came at the end of the year, we had him retained in the 6th grade for this year too. Zane was very small when he first came to the US so he did not look out of place with that age group. One of Zanes friends from the SWI came to the US about 5-6 months before Zane and they started him in the 6th grade as well.
Zane adjusted very well and quickly to school in the US thanks to his ESL teacher who we can’t say enough good things about. When we first put Zane in school, just 4 days after coming home, he was placed with an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher who went above and beyond for her students and treated them as if they were her own children.
Since he started school at the end of the year, he basically received a crash course in English. He was with the ESL teacher, at her request, for 3 full days out of a 5-day school week. She made sure that Zane was paired with a boy in his class who was exemplary in attitude and discipline. She went to lunch with him to make sure he knew the procedures and what he was being served. She had a great relationship with Zanes teachers and they all worked together to make sure that his homework and tests were modified so Zane didn’t feel overwhelmed. And from everything we heard, his classmates loved him.
Zane continues to do well in school, according to his teachers, in this his first full year.
His best subject is math but that comes as no surprise since math is universal.
One of the main concerns shared by his teachers is that he tends to race to be the first done with work in class and makes careless mistakes as a result since he does not always take time to check his work. They say, though, that this is just a “boy” thing and that most of the boys in their classes do this to some extent.
{extended}Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Older child adoption - part 2
Someone recently emailed Carmi and I with several questions about older child adoption.
Carmi answered the email but I thought it would be a good idea to post a question a day here and share our answers with you.
If you have any questions of your own, please let us know.
1. Was it hard to communicate with Zane?
2. How did he adjust to you? Siblings?
3. How did he adjust to school in America? How did you know what grade to put him in? How is he doing now in school?
4. How was he able to make friends and feel comfortable at school when he could not speak the language? How is he doing now that he can speak the language?
5. How did you try to teach him English? How is he doing now?
6. Did he go to school in China? If so, did the school teach him about Buddha and did your child have a strong connection to Buddhism?
7. Was he in an orphanage or a foster family? If in a foster family, did he have a difficult time adjusting to your family? How is he doing today?
8. Can you share something that you wish that you would have known before you adopted an older child that you can’t get from a book but only through experience?
==========
I’ll never forget the glance Zane gave Carmi and then me as we first entered the room where he waited for us. There was a tremendous amount of processing going on in that young mind when he met momma and daddy for the first time.
Zane was well-mannered and obedient in China. I remember we were at the White Swan buffet in Guangzhou one morning and a newly-adopted younger boy was r-e-a-l-l-y acting up. Carmi had met the mother earlier and this poor lady had her hands full. Zane was quite bothered by how the boy didn’t listen and was misbehaving.
I’ve heard it said that, as a general rule, children from China aren’t very affectionate. Makes sense. How can children be expected to exhibit a behavior they haven’t likely experienced for themselves?
Zane seems to be an exception.
He looooves his momma and dotes on Carmi a lot. He’ll hug her, stroke her arm or hair and tell her that she’s pretty.
After being home less than a month, Zane was jumping on my back wanting a piggyback ride. He’s constantly putting his hand on my shoulder or slapping my back. He strokes the hair on my arm and even wants to hold my hand on occasion.
He continues to be well-mannered. The only real issue is that I have to tell him 2-3 times to do something but I believe that’s just a teenager thing.
As far as his relationship with Eliana and Karys…
In China, Eliana just about drove poor Zane crazy because she wanted to be right there where he was ALL the time! She was so excited to have a big brother. He even complained to our guide at one point. We had to come down pretty hard on Eliana and force her to give him his space.
Karys and Zane did very well together from the beginning just because she didn’t bug him.
Once we came home, Eliana continued to crowd Zane. He would get really angry… I could tell it in his face… but he exhibited good self-control. I’m sure He wanted so badly to hit her but he didn’t. Which is a good thing because that would not have been tolerated.
We continued to work with Eliana and now they get along great. Some days they will sit in the same chair playing a computer game. It helps that Eliana is a tomboy and would much rather play a game than to play with baby dolls.
Zane teases Karys unmercifully but she tells him that she loves him anyway.
He still hasn’t become comfortable with saying “I love you” but that will come.
{extended}Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Older child adoption - part 1
Someone recently emailed Carmi and I with several questions about older child adoption.
Carmi answered the email but I thought it would be a good idea to post a question a day here and share our answers with you.
If you have any questions of your own, please let us know.
1. Was it hard to communicate with Zane?
2. How did he adjust to you? Siblings?
3. How did he adjust to school in America? How did you know what grade to put him in? How is he doing now in school?
4. How was he able to make friends and feel comfortable at school when he could not speak the language? How is he doing now that he can speak the language?
5. How did you try to teach him English? How is he doing now?
6. Did he go to school in China? If so, did the school teach him about Buddha and did your child have a strong connection to Buddhism?
7. Was he in an orphanage or a foster family? If in a foster family, did he have a difficult time adjusting to your family? How is he doing today?
8. Can you share something that you wish that you would have known before you adopted an older child that you can’t get from a book but only through experience?
==========
The simple answer is, of course, yes. It was certainly a challenge to communicate with Zane at first. He knew 3 words in English and we knew 7 in Chinese. However, you can only get so far with hello, goodbye, thank you, mother, father, sister and grandmother. But we found a way despite our bad Chinese with a southern accent.
Outside of the hotel rooms, we had an English-speaking guide with us at all times.
On those occasions when a guide was not present, we used the AM101 Electronic English Chinese Talking Translator from BBK that we purchased prior to our trip. The device translated English to Chinese and Chinese to English. It took Zane all of about 5 minutes to learn how to use it. His first words were, “I’m thirsty.” The translation either way was far from perfect. We had to really think about what we wanted to tell him and break the phrase down as simply as possible.
I would say that we also sharpened our skill at playing charades.
After we came home, Zane took the translator to school and it was very helpful to him there for the first couple of months.
{extended}